You get into your car to head to work and turn the key in the ignition, but all you hear is a click. Upon further inspection, the lights were left on last night. “Great start to the morning,” you mutter to yourself. That is when you start to pass blame: from then on, every streetlight stays red too long, and every driver is slower than the last one.
Then it happens: a car pulls out in front of you, making you step on the brakes and throw your hands up in frustration. “What’s with these selfish jerks today?!”
The Blame Game
You may not have noticed it as it happened, but you were much too hard on that driver. Most likely you also were not hard enough on yourself. That’s the basic principle of the Fundamental Attribution Error, which is that we tend to make character judgments of others based on one or two observed actions. If we’re late for work, it is because of traffic or car issues. If others are, it is because they are lazy or have trouble prioritizing. Truthfully, there is some fault on both the person running late and the factors that they claim have made them late.
As a leader, you MUST be aware of this tendency in yourself. Failing to do so will make you more likely to be too harsh to those you lead. At the same time, you increase your risk of acting hypocritically. Furthermore, this weakness likes to rear its ugly head in our personal relationships. How many times in an argument between friends or family have you heard, “you always” or “you never” complaints?
What can we do?
- Pay attention to patterns, not incidents of behavior. Is this employee late often, or are they normally punctual? Again, be sure the facts support the feelings here. You will probably overestimate how often they are late if you do not keep a record.
- Give the benefit of the doubt. Especially when you do not regularly interact with the person, or if you have no facts to support your feelings about them, it is better to cut them some slack. That feeling that you don’t want to let it happen again can be ludicrous: what is the likelihood that the same car will cut you off multiple times, or the same server get your order wrong again?
- Acknowledge that they are as important as you are. They have families to provide for, stresses they are carrying, and life problems, much like you do. They may be running late much like you are, and to them you are the car that is driving much too slow. And before you say, “But I am not driving slowly,” realize that in all likelihood they are not selfish jerks, either.
- Stop putting your own fuel into the fire. Of course, this unfairness on our part is compounded when our own failings increase our stress levels. Perhaps if you attempted to leave a little earlier, those streetlights and slow cars would not bother you so much.
By paying attention to our tendency to place unfair blame on others, you will be more understanding, patient, and reasonable. Our goal is to help you be the most effective leader you can be. So, please contact us if we can be of assistance to you or your organization!